WaterPik - Dinner Plus Drinks #139

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'll say it again. I just said it off air before I hit record. Uh my voice sounds like super great. I know. Uh don't worry about it. I don't have COVID. I took a test. Oh, did you? I did, yeah. Cause like I f last night I took a test because I didn't want to, you know.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

Give it to me, please. But uh Pish Posh.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

No, Tyler. I don't care about it.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

I just want to give it to Tyler. My beautiful Tyler.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

I don't want to give it to you. But it feels like I'm super unprepared because I'm a little behind. I seem I don't have my laptop, I just have my phone. But I promise you, I am super prepared, and this is gonna be the best episode yet.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

The outline is half filled out. But yeah, Nick's totally prepared.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

I'm totally prepared.

SPEAKER_02 0:49

Totally ready. Let me tell you how ready he is.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

All I can tell you is I'm gonna go turn off the close the door.

SPEAKER_02 0:54

I'm not even I'm so prepared. All I can tell you is that his product rack is the only thing he's been talking about for a week. So other than that, he's got a great product to tell you about. But that's it. That's all you're gonna hear from him today. So, Nick, how's your week? What do you what do you bring down here for us? Because it's not what I requested. Nick can't even get his headphones on.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Okay, so this is like a it was like a cocktail feeling weekend. You got your booblet concert. I was like beer. So I'm running behind today.

SPEAKER_02 1:22

Uh because Bridget loves nothing more than when people are late.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

And I'm sorry, I actually was like only four minutes ahead of time. I texted you, I'm gonna be 10 minutes late, which was the worst possible timing.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

I was already 10 minutes early. Literally, I was at Nick's house at 11:50, and I was like, oh, I don't want to just like one, I don't want to walk in if Sarah's on a call. Two, I don't want to just keep it. She's on a cry about shocker. So I just like literally, no joke, drove in a circle. I'm like, I'm gonna drive through Lake Ivanhoe. I've never done that.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Did you look at the street names?

SPEAKER_02 1:50

Uh well, I know the story about that. Yeah. I was like, well, I know the story. I drove down a road that I just like a lot of roads I didn't know existed. Anyway, and then he said, then I got your text as I was about back at your house, and I was like, all right, I'm gonna go to my mom's.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

So uh I was like, hey, like I didn't think I'd have time because I was writing late. I was like, do you want a beer or some bubbles? Like, because I really, this was like, it felt like a cocktail weekend. You're going to this concert tonight, uh, you know, and it's summer, but I was like, shit, I don't have time to make a cocktail. But then, like, ta-da! I had time to make a cocktail. So I made a very topical, timely cocktail. This is called a honey deuce.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

Oh, I was wondering about the the garnish.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

So this is A honey deuce? A honey deuce.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

Okay, that just sounds like a poop.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

No, it's a tennis thing. It's a few. Yeah, no, I figured. It's the official cocktail of the U.S. Open. It's lemonade. Okay. Vodka. It's supposed to be gray goose or some richie vodka. We use Tito's because that's what we have in our freezer. Um, yes, you're correct. I think they're good. I do suggest keeping your vodka in your freezer. It's a great life hack. And then uh Shamboard. Oh, yeah. So it's like uh like a blueberry, raspberry vodka. And then you garnish it with three scooped melon balls. I was we uh we had so okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

So it looks like tennis balls.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

Yes, it looks like tennis balls.

SPEAKER_02 3:09

I get it.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

So every year for the start of the U.S. Open, they have like a concert and this like opening ceremony thing. This year they did a little different because of Serena Williams. And they uh so every year Sarah and I have we celebrate it. Mitchell, my little brother-in-law, usually comes over. We make a meal uh themed to the person playing that night, uh, like their country, whatever, and we drink honey deuces. We even have these cups that are like official U.S. Open cups that are official honey deuce cups. They have all the winners listed.

SPEAKER_03 3:41

Holy shit.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

And this is like our thing. We have so much fun with it. Like basically, we just watch all of the U.S. Open. We love the U.S. Open.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

Like the Olympics for other people.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

Yes, but for us, we do uh the US Open tennis, not golf. Yeah, not to be golf.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

I know. Um uh though I used to work for the company that does all the food and beverage at the US Open, so I I know very clearly when each one is.

SPEAKER_00 4:03

So uh this year, Serena Williams. Uh Have you heard, or do you live under a rock? And uh so for her, we you know made an appropriate dinner.

SPEAKER_02 4:13

Uh what'd you make, Nick?

SPEAKER_00 4:15

We did steak and potatoes and sweet corn for America.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

Oh, that is not where I thought you were headed.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Yeah, you thought fried chicken and collard greens. Everybody I did. Everybody has said, oh, do you make fried chicken? I'm like, to be fair, she has said fried chicken's her favorite meal.

SPEAKER_02 4:31

But I don't really follow the hype of the Williams sisters, and I don't care about tennis. She's an incredible athlete. This is a great drink, though.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

She's old. She looks a little slow. She's old. She's 43. Okay. No, she's not 43.

SPEAKER_02 4:45

Let's be clear. That is not old. That is just old and professional sports, which is bullshit.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Um, but she is like a mom on a mission right now. Yeah. And it's very clear like, don't fuck with mama bear.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

Yeah, it feels that way. It's just a lot.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

It is a lot.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

I don't know what else to say.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

Um, so anyway, I made a honey deuce. Um our melon balls were scooped better for the thing because I had like the whole melons, so I could scoop, you know.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

These are kind of triangular. Uh well, because I cut them into wet, you know. It's great. That was a good choice. I told Nick that he should do bubbles for our booblet concert.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

It's just really good.

SPEAKER_02 5:21

We are going to a Michael Bublet concert tonight. Um, a pretty uh random, I might say, group of nine women, but it's gonna be great. Uh we got a limo, because you know, it was that our minivan. Not my minivan, people.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

Also, the fruit is incredible after it's soaked in this concoction for a while.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

I was really hoping there was bubbles in this, Nick. Well, here we go. No, I don't want them. I don't want it. Don't do it. I saw it sitting here. We have bubbly water, of course. So anyway, we um, yeah, we are joking about having bubbles, but we're going to a concert tonight. I don't care about uh concerts, I guess, as much. Like, I didn't miss live music during COVID, but then I went to a concert recently and was like, oh my god, this was so fun. I forgot how fun concerts were, and I don't really care who is playing within reason. Like, I don't care about Michael Bobley. He's fun, I guess, but like I would not normally go to his concert, but here we are.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Live update. Okay, barrel pick of old fashioned is on its way to the store in the back of our rep's car and we'll be there soon.

SPEAKER_02 6:24

Oh, well, I guess we better wrap up, huh? We just started, but Nick has nothing to tell you about except his product, so it's gonna work out perfectly with this.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

So uh roll on over to the store after this, Bridget. No way, man. I got a busy afternoon. Don't you hear what I'm doing? I do, but like you should try this and tell me if I should send it with you guys in the limo. So I brought a bottle of bubbles and it's going with you in the limo.

SPEAKER_02 6:45

Thank you. I also have a bottle of bubbles. Thanks for preserving it for tonight. I just gotta be honest, because we all know how much I like control. Um, I am Wait, what I am eternally grateful that I did not have to plan this evening. Shout out Aaron and Shannon. I think that most of the people coming tonight listen to this podcast, or at least half of them do. Um, so love you all. But I don't like not knowing what to expect. Like, I don't really know this group. Like, they're all wonderful people. I know all of them except one. Um, but like I don't know how they act together. Are are they pukers when they get in a car? Are they gonna be that drunk? What like I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

And I am I am See to me that's the terrifying part. That's what Sarah's, I think, is anxious about too, is the car ride back. I'm gonna go to the back. Because some people suggested, like, we have the limo to two, we could stop places.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

No, we only have the limo to midnight.

SPEAKER_00 7:40

Well, then you guys are coming right home.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

Correct. Stopping uh if you put me in a car when I'm drunk, I'm gonna puke. So I am gonna be pretty adamant about like, hey, if we get back to Lake Geneva at midnight and want to go somewhere, great. But no one will want to because I am guessing no one will want to.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

But you won't want to.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

I don't know. I don't know. I think I might. I don't want to before I have to ride in a car, though. I don't like riding in a car drunk.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Evolve is open. Sarah might go. Sarah's a big fan of Evolve at midnight.

SPEAKER_02 8:09

I mean, okay. I'll go to Evolve. Anyway, we'll report back because by the time you're listening to this, it'll be over. So next week we can tell you if anyone puked, and hopefully they don't.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

Bridget has lots of things to talk about today.

SPEAKER_02 8:21

Do I? Well, I filled out my outline if that's what you mean.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

All I have is I'm coughing.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

Yeah, you have been coughing for like a while.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

I just said sinus infection y thing. I have a dentist appointment on Wednesday, and I'm probably gonna have to be like I have a dentist appointment on Wednesday.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

Oh my gosh. I just live there now.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

I should be like, hey guys, um Wait, is Laura your dentist? No, Laura's not my dentist. Zambito is my dentist.

SPEAKER_02 8:43

Oh, right, we just talked about this.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

Um, but I'm gonna have to be like, hey guys, uh like I know how hard it is to reschedule one of these things because you have to book it six months out.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

But like I have like not COVID, because I have tested. Well, they still make you wear a mask.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

Yeah, but then you take it off because they're in your mouth. I know, it's so funny. Laura's like, you can just take your mask off. Laura, one of my very good friends, is also my dentist.

SPEAKER_00 9:05

More on Laura later.

SPEAKER_02 9:07

More on Laura later.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

Uh anyway, yeah, so I'm gonna have to probably cancel it. But I don't have COVID.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

No, you don't have to cancel it. Just tell them you have allergies. Or tell them, give them your negative test. I'm I'm teaming.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

I mean, it's just like a rapid test.

SPEAKER_02 9:19

So?

SPEAKER_00 9:20

So I hung out, I had a lovely time. More on this later as well, with my bros.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

Nick, Nick's two things on his outline. He's teasing right now.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

I had a good time with my bros last night, and I didn't want to get my bros sick.

SPEAKER_02 9:32

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

So I took a rapid test.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

Wow. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

I could care less about you.

SPEAKER_02 9:38

But I didn't want to get my three friends sick that I was with.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

But in a way, if I got Tyler sick, it would make your life horrible.

SPEAKER_02 9:45

I mean, my life has been a blurry. We all know anyway.

SPEAKER_00 9:48

We've heard every discrimin. Tyler listens now. Oh, Tyler and Ron also, shout out to you guys for listening. Have the preview of this podcast. We discussed it yesterday.

SPEAKER_02 9:56

How? You guys really solved all the world's problems.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

But you've described your feelings about how Tyler is as a patient. So if I got him sick with COVID.

SPEAKER_02 10:03

I gotta think that's every man. Yes, it's every man. Don't look at me like that. And every man makes that comment. Tyler's just smart enough to finally be like, yeah, you're right. Women, you are right. Yeah. See, Nick's not agreeing with me, Sarah. You need to answer this. I'm you're a good patient. He's not, you just keep your mouth closed.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

Again, I got schnauw surgery. Said, screw this, I'm walking out of here. I'm not old, I'm not dead, and then I almost face planned on the being dumb and being sick are different things. I'm a man.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

The problem is when men get colds, it's like they're dying. When they get surgery, they think this is no big deal. That's the exact point.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

You are wrong. The best part about last night was friend Michael and friend Ronald comparing getting hit with hay bell stories growing up.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

Oh, farm. That is funny. Yeah, Michael resurfaced because summer is ending, so Michael's shown his face at events again. That's great. Michael, hi, I haven't seen you in so long. Um, Michael's my brother-in-law.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

He had like the beautiful hair. Ah, it's like Michael.

SPEAKER_02 11:11

I'm always jealous of a lot of people. Yeah, I know. I know. Anyway, um, it's back to school week. I can't wait for you guys to experience this. I really can't. It's a nightmare. Uh, I've been looking forward to it for at least a month uh because you know, I I like a structure. And school gives me that.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

Really?

SPEAKER_02 11:30

You like control and structure?

SPEAKER_00 11:32

You didn't say that about planning just like three minutes ago.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

So it's just like you go to school for two days, then you have three days off, then you have a four-day week, then Lucy starts school. So it's It's been a lot. I don't know what to say. It's been a fucking week, man.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

Do you ever wonder what the trigger is that makes you like I just I don't consider myself a control freak, but I just like Oh, I consider myself a control freak. I like to be in control of things.

SPEAKER_02 11:57

I just I just Who doesn't consider themselves a control freak then? I 100% do.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Well, because you know you're you're lying to yourself. I lie to myself.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

Oh, I am a control freak. I am not lying to myself.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

But what is the trigger that's like I just want to be in charge of these things? Like, because I know everybody else is gonna do it wrong.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Well, I'm good at planning things and people will say that. You are good at planning, slash also it's my job. So I but I like when other people do it too, but then this happens. So I literally, this is what the fights like I am thrilled to not have to make the decision. Most years for my birthday, my wonderful husband, my sister, what do you want for your birthday? What do you want to do for your birthday? And I'm like, I just don't want to decide. I just don't want to have to plan it. And they're like, uh, but that's a trick.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

Because I'm like, Sarah's not Sarah's in the exact same position because like holiday weekends she'll be like, What do you want to do? I'm like, I just like just tell me what to do, I'll do it. She's like, but you're tired, you've worked a lot, you usually do all the planning. I'm like, yes, all of these things, but also like I'm at decision-making fatigue, so just like tell me where to be. And she's like, This is a trick.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Yes, and I don't know how to convince people otherwise.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

Like, yes, I maybe will comment like, well, this was not a this was a suboptimal plan, but but I will not say that. At least it wasn't my plan.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

I will not say that to the group. I I mean just live here on the podcast. And it was, it's it's perfectly fine.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

Hey, everybody, that like sound you just heard was not Bridget swearing for 15 seconds. It was her outing herself on uh on the live podcast.

SPEAKER_02 13:25

Listen, I'm grateful for it, okay? I didn't want to organize a limo, I don't want to organize group concert tickets, but like uh, I mean, like, are there snacks? So I just brought them because listen, someone else planned it. So if I'm curious if there are snacks, I will just bring them. So I did. They're in my car.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Shout out another podcast listener, Beth, and her snacks by Beth.

SPEAKER_02 13:45

I know.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

Or is it snacks with Beth?

SPEAKER_02 13:47

I think I might have made Beth stop listening because I told her we couldn't be friends in real life if she listened. Because every time we hung out, she's like, I know. I heard this already on the podcast. I'm like, Beth, we cannot be friends then.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

Her snacks on Instagram. I know, man. Okay, food Instagram. I'm like, you're just like a normal person and you're doing killer Instagram food stuff. Why do I even try?

SPEAKER_02 14:10

I know she just likes to grill bread a lot, grill carbs. That was the most recent discussion we had. Yes. I know, Beth. Great job.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Good job, Beth.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

Good job. We went to Jazz in the park, Beth and um another friend of ours, Carrie, and me and our kids. And I was like, again, I brought like a bag of castles and some hummus. And Beth made a beautiful snack board. I'm like, oh Jesus, people. I think I maybe had some grapes in a tapware, and I thought I was pretty good about that. Okay, so anyway, this week's been crazy.

SPEAKER_00 14:40

I love that you have a New York Times article picked.

SPEAKER_02 14:42

Yeah, but it's ridiculous. Okay. The week's crazy. We're gonna move on to my New York Times article because it's absurd. The only reason I picked it, because honestly, it's kind of a bullshit article, if I'm being honest, came out early. It's about Nick V. I know. So it came out early August. Nick, uh, I think you say vi like vile, right? VL. VL. It was like it's not vile, because okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

So he Although some may say he's vile.

SPEAKER_02 15:09

This is why I chose it. So he was a bachelor from like a million years ago. I don't know, or bachelor. Bachelor.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

He was on The Bachelorette, and then he was on The Bachelorette again, and then he was The Bachelor.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

Yes, I'm so sorry. I don't watch any of those shows because this is like peak.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

I was all into it. You know, there's like gambling on it, there's brackets, there's reality Steve that spoils it.

SPEAKER_02 15:30

Don't know what that means.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

But we were big into it.

unknown 15:33

That's fine.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

And then it just got like too like it's absurd.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

I did go produced. If a girl, uh I had a name, Stephanie Copsy, who used to live by me, she would like watch it, you know, it was Monday nights or whatever. So I'd go down and have a glass of wine with her and not watch it, but it would be on. Uh, but that's it. That's all I got for you. But I chose this article because I've met this guy. He used to live in Milwaukee, and I don't know if we're gonna say date, but went on a few dates. He's a fucking boy. And he is a fuckboy. That's why I chose it. He's such a douche. I'm like, I have met him and No, he goes beyond douche.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

He is a fuckboy.

SPEAKER_02 16:06

You like he looks exactly the same. So the comments on this New York, like the New York Times article was uh like cross-posted to Facebook, and the comments are like It's about how he's a style icon. Well, it's saying like after the final rows, and he's finally getting like he gets to defend himself after saying the um his like I guess what he's kind of well known for. If you weren't in love with me, I'm just not sure why you made love with me, is what he was saying to the Bachelorette Andy Dorfman. And so he's like, Well, yeah, I mean, I wish I didn't say that.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

So Andy was on it to get on the bachelorette, like clearly, she's this lawyer and she's like that. Yeah. Like there's some people like, I don't know, I'll give it a shot. Like, I want to be on TV, but also like, I don't know if it works out, it works out. Andy was like clearly on it to like play a villain that like turns into a hair hero, and then like didn't really expect this to go this way with Nick telling you about the all about the bachelorette. And then like Andy, this was like so when it was announced Nick V from Milwaukee and he's the same age as me was on. Oh, people thought because like I am way into this. People are like, there was like half serious, like we have a page group chat about The Bachelor at this time. That's it. It's ended, and all my friends from high school are like, um, what's happening?

SPEAKER_02 17:17

Different Nick V.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

I'm like, no, it's not me. There are multiple Nick V in the Milwaukee. And then like, so I didn't know him, but I have a you're not my only mutual friend.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

Really? I mean I also played against him in volleyball, I think.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

So it was like no, but all my friends from like know him from Milwaukee.

SPEAKER_02 17:35

I was like, this guy didn't go to law school.

SPEAKER_00 17:37

Because you know he went to Michigan State, he ran in the Marquette Law School circle.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

Well, that wasn't my circle, I'll tell you that. But okay, anyway.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Rich people from Mekwan.

SPEAKER_02 17:47

Yeah, but that's not that wasn't the connection. He played on a volleyball team with a whole bunch of Michigan State alum who were just a bunch of dicks as well.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

If you go to Michigan State from out of state, there's something happening with the Michigan State, but she was from Michigan.

SPEAKER_02 18:01

Um, okay, anyway, so he has. I'm here to report, he has a relationship podcast called the Vile, how do you say it?

SPEAKER_00 18:09

VL.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

VL Files, but people just call it the Vile Files, which is amazing because he's vile. Yeah, and it says, so one of his friends, this is my favorite quote in the article. It says, quote, he's very honest, which is something that you don't see, said his friend Rachel Lindsay, contrasting him with other people of The Bachelor. Oh God, she's another bachelor person. People are often trying to be like another lead. So they're like, she's like, oh, he's just like so great and honest because he's, you know, everyone else is so fake. So whatever. They're all they're talking about, um, you know, bro and how what he's doing after his final rows. And he lives in a neighborhood, apparently, where a bunch of reality television alumni have settled, which is Valley Village neighborhood. Whatever. So a lot of people from Vanderpump Rules apparently live there. No, no. I know, I'm like, this is perfect for him, right? So I tried to talk about it because I thought it was hilarious that the New York Times was covering it and that he's my claim to fame. Shout out Veronica. That was my roommate that went on a few dates with him.

SPEAKER_00 19:09

My news article is from 9 to 5 Mac.

SPEAKER_02 19:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

iPhone US market share hits all-time high, overtaking Android, dominates global premium sales. To all you green texters that say, like, Android Apple, you're just so fancy. Shut up. Damn. The iPhone US market hit an all-time high last quarter, giving it more than 50% of the total US market for the first time ever.

SPEAKER_02 19:36

First time ever?

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

Okay. I was kind of gonna make fun of you and be like, I don't understand why we're talking about this. I didn't realize Androids were more popular.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Yes. So to all you green texters, stop it. Shit. Stop it. Get off your green text and phone. Stop it. I can't handle you. Tyler, there's a perfect gif you sent back to me, but it didn't send because your damn Android phone.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

Also his service where he works.

SPEAKER_00 20:03

And if he had Apple, he'd be on the Wi-Fi and it would just blue text on its way through.

SPEAKER_02 20:09

My least favorite part of Android users is group text. Oh, it's the worst. I hate group text always, but group text with Android users.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

And they switch up into multiple text.

SPEAKER_02 20:18

Also, I hate, hate, hate the thumbs up and the haas and the emphasize or whatever. That's bullshit. I hate those things.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

I want everybody to acknowledge Apple's ascendancy. Give you a clear Android phone.

SPEAKER_02 20:33

Apple owns the world.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

And please start blue texting.

SPEAKER_02 20:37

Wow, Nick, that's that's a not depressing news story. No, it's not.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

It's just uh I would like everybody to get on the blue text. So also when I'm at my computer, I get your texts.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

Oh, I turned that off the other day because it was just like nonstop. I have this, I have my iPad right here, and I have my phone. And yeah, I was on a Zoom call. Watch. My watch broke. Uh it's driving me crazy. Anyway, and I was on a Zoom call and it would ring through. And I was like, ah! So turned it off. Better turn it back on though.

SPEAKER_00 21:08

Uh we have a number of employees that are green texters. Oh no. And they're like, hey, why don't you see my text for the last hour? I'm like, one, you could walk over to my office. Two, it's because you're a green texter.

SPEAKER_02 21:19

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

I don't think to look at my phone because all the important people in my life Sarah, Mitchell, Bridget.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

I uh I will say, obviously, Tyler. Yeah, there'll be time I don't look at my phone. I'm like, They're all blue texters.

SPEAKER_00 21:36

Tyler, Tyler's Kate.

SPEAKER_02 21:38

Tyler's not a blue texter.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Ron.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

Kim is not.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Kim's a blue. I don't think, right? Kim. Get a blue text.

SPEAKER_02 21:46

Okay, guys, that's what we have to say about blue text. We're gonna take a quick break.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

I have no jokes.

SPEAKER_02 21:52

You have no jokes.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

This is not a joking matter. Get a blue text phone. Bonus product rec. Uh like metal skewers that you can put your garnishes for your cocktails on so they like float and you don't accidentally ingest a toothpick and kill yourself.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

I didn't know that made them float.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Yeah, because you like do it across the thing and I don't know. It's more displacement than a I've gotta be honest with you. Because they don't absorb the water like a wooden toothpick does.

SPEAKER_02 22:31

Yeah, wooden toothpick I know is not ideal, but try that fruit. I don't really want to, if I'm being honest. Just try it. I don't really like this flavorless water. I bet it's probably good now because it's been soaking in here.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 22:43

I'm gonna let it keep soaking.

unknown 22:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

Do you want me to go first with my incredible Yeah, you know what?

SPEAKER_02 22:50

Nick can't stop talking about it. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:53

So for a long time in my life, so I'm a flosser. I enjoy flossing. Oh my gosh. I hate the fact that there's floss all over the bathroom because inevitably And also plaque. Like you try to, you know, throw it out in the trash and it gets everywhere because it's flossed sticks. I hate it.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

Floss is so hard.

SPEAKER_00 23:11

It makes my teeth feel great. And like I enjoy flossing. And I like that, you know.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

Also, I'm on the board of the directors of uh local free clinic, and uh shout out to Shannon, you're doing God's work.

SPEAKER_02 23:25

Shout out.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

And uh, you know, I get a lot of this public health information that I would otherwise not be privy to. And the link between gum disease and like all sorts of negative health outcomes is shocking.

SPEAKER_02 23:37

Yeah, shocking, but not talked about nearly as much as like heart disease. Yeah, it baffles me.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

So, like, take care of your gums, basically.

SPEAKER_02 23:43

You want to see my gums right now? No, they're a mess.

SPEAKER_00 23:47

So, anyway, people, uh, flossing's good, maybe even more important than brushing your teeth.

SPEAKER_02 23:52

Also, I said this to Laura. You need to teach flossing in second grade, not brushing when dentists come to visit. Yes. I I I never was taught it as a kid. Okay, anyway, moving on.

SPEAKER_00 24:03

So I've long wanted a water flosser. Or is there known water picks?

SPEAKER_02 24:08

Water picks, everybody.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

So they've always seemed out of reach, they've always seemed like an unnecessary purchase.

SPEAKER_02 24:16

Yeah, and you don't ever buy unnecessary things.

SPEAKER_00 24:20

I know this is ridiculous. I know this is just like stroking my ego more or less of like, I like to floss my teeth. I'm gonna get a special fan. It's like, you know, in uh National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, like the next door neighbors that have the ridiculous stare, they're like, we want this. It feels a little too close to that. Anyway, I did a survey for a national brand, and I got a hundred dollar gift card out of it. My choice of gift cards.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

Funny. I'm more interested in this. What survey did you do?

SPEAKER_00 24:52

Uh QuickBooks is doing a bunch of like market research stuff.

SPEAKER_02 24:55

Love me some market research.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

And I got Target one, and I was like, I should buy diapers with this. I'm like, no.

SPEAKER_02 25:02

Nah.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

I'm gonna get me something.

SPEAKER_02 25:04

Um, is it the what brand is it? I'm looking at it.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

It's a water pick brand. So I bought myself a water pick. First, I consulted with Laura. She came in looking for wine suggests. I said, Laura, I'm glad you're here. Water picks, are they bullshit? That like prey upon consumers are like, Well, most work. She's like, no, they're great. And she said, she said, you know, they can be a mask. Make sure you keep your mouth closed. She said, there are some that plug into your shower and then you can floss in the shower and they're great. Um, I'm not quite to that level. This just grosses me out every time you talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 25:35

Like, I can just picture plaque like just spraying. I mean, really, don't tell me that doesn't happen.

SPEAKER_00 25:41

My teeth have never been so clean in my life. Ugh. Uh, Sarah, that for the first time, I did it Thursday night last week. I was like, I need to recommend this. I'm like, nope, give it one more week. I'm flossing twice a day. I did recommend it last week. Twice a day. Because it's just like bam, bam, bam, bam.

SPEAKER_02 25:56

Is it did you get the navy blue one?

SPEAKER_00 25:57

No, I got the white one.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

Oh, I don't even see that one. The sea green.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

50 bucks at Target. Uh they have like different attachments. I got two of the flosser things.

SPEAKER_02 26:07

So Sarah can use it too. Sarah can use it too. She's used it.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

She was impressed by it. I I don't know what to say about this. If you want to have the cleanest-filling mouth that you've had forever.

SPEAKER_02 26:18

You can go to the dentist as often as me. Oh, here's a water pick brand one that's only $35. What makes it better or worse than the $50, Nick?

SPEAKER_00 26:27

So okay. Shall I ask Laura? Is that the portable one? Or is so I didn't get the portable one because the portable one has like a smaller water tank.

SPEAKER_02 26:34

It's rechargeable cordless.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

Yeah, that one. Yeah. So it has like a smaller water tank and not enough water to floss your mouth once. It's only like low or medium speed. But the one I have has like super speed. So it also has it came with like six different things. So it has like a toothbrush head too. So like if you want to do the dentist, like you can. Bro.

SPEAKER_02 26:56

I need to know about one that hooks up to my shower because I don't think I'm doing this anywhere but in the shower. Sorry. Get one. I can't. You guys, do you just like Windex your mirror twice a day then?

SPEAKER_00 27:08

No, I keep my mouth closed like an adult.

SPEAKER_02 27:10

So then you have just have like plaques swirling around in your mouth?

SPEAKER_00 27:14

Yeah, then you spit it out.

SPEAKER_02 27:15

Oh, I just can't get on board with this yet. I'm so sorry. I know you're upset about this.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

Like it's very simple.

SPEAKER_02 27:23

Well, Nick.

SPEAKER_00 27:24

I mean, also I do like nasal rinse flushes. Oh, gross. You know, on a fairly regular basis.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

Oh, it's a weird.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

So you're like, eh, it's just like comes out your mouth.

SPEAKER_02 27:33

Like No, I've literally never done like a netty ball in my life. Never once in my life.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

Oh, it's great.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

Cannot figure out a reason I need to.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Allergies. Like it's great for your allergies. I have allergies.

SPEAKER_02 27:43

Except I've been sneezing a lot, so maybe I do. Maybe I have dust in your house.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

Just kidding. Maybe it's all the dust I'm living with.

SPEAKER_00 27:53

Anyway, I strongly recommend this. I am eight days in. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 27:58

I'm so distracted by looking at water picks now because there's one for $8. Here's one for $15. Like this is.

SPEAKER_00 28:03

Are you an AliExpress?

SPEAKER_02 28:05

No, this is on Amazon. They range like from literally $8 up to $180.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

Is that just like the tip, or is it No? It's never just the tip.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

Okay, guys, I'm not gonna get distracted here with water picks anymore because I honestly have four tabs open about it right now. So let me just close them all. Talk to Laura.

SPEAKER_00 28:23

She's the one that sold me.

SPEAKER_02 28:25

Here's what we're gonna do on the girls' night out. I'm gonna talk to my dentist. We've got a pharmacist with us. They can tell me I shouldn't be drinking, so I'm on an amoxicillin right now. Oh, let me text you my pharmacist. Could you text her? Because I know what's happening.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

She's like eight months pregnant, so I'm sure she's like super.

SPEAKER_02 28:40

Bless her. Okay. Well, well, Nick is getting my drug information for me. Um, I'm also gonna tell you about a very adult thing, a skincare line. I feel like maybe I've talked about it. I don't know if I have, I don't care. Because you should know um, the ordinary is the best. So I am cheap, but I also like care about my skincare now that I'm an aging adult. And um often I'll like listen to whatever brand someone recommends. I'll go online, you like do the skincare test. Like, oh, do you have oily skin? Do you have dry skin? Whatever. And then it's like, here are the products you need. Just for $97. You can have these two two-ounce samples or whatever. And I'm like, I don't know. No, I'm not gonna do that. I'm oh, but it lasts you a month. I'm like, nope, I don't care. I'm not gonna do it like the water pick, right? Like, it took you how long to buy a water pick? I'm not gonna spend $97.

SPEAKER_00 29:29

Honestly, like seven years.

SPEAKER_02 29:30

Yeah. So so it's gonna take me that long to be okay spending gobs of money on like a face lotion. So, but I know I need to take better care of my aging skin.

SPEAKER_00 29:39

So I don't think that you do. Your skin is a good one.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

But you gotta start young. Thanks. Thanks, Nick. Good answer, buddy. Looks great. So anyway.

SPEAKER_00 29:49

Can I tell a funny story? Sure. So, Mitchell, my dear brother-in-law, Sarah got her hair cut at Grand Geneva Resort and Spa. Looks great. Waxy's like, hey, your hair looks good. Did you change your hair curl? And he's like, Yeah. Uh, and so she's gonna be at Grand Geneva with my person now, Becca. She is the best. Bonus product recommendation, Becca. Becca product. Mitchell points out she can still use the gift card she has at Jasmine Spa for other services, like Botox.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

Maybe not the right thing to say. Mitchell. That's crazy, they do Botox. I gotta ask Jenny about that.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

I mean, Mitchell, don't tell your sister. He's like, I didn't mean like you need it. I just like saw they had it.

SPEAKER_02 30:37

Not a massage, not a facial, but I'm gonna tell, I'm gonna suggest Botox. Like, throw Mitchell a manicure, anything else.

SPEAKER_00 30:44

I'm just in the corner, like dying.

SPEAKER_02 30:45

I'm like, You got a lot to learn. Good luck. He's only in his 20s. I'm not gonna out my friends that do this, but I have uh a friend or two that has gotten Botox. And I was I was surprised to be honest.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

It's like birth control. You know, you do it for acne control.

SPEAKER_02 31:01

It's not no, she doesn't. The one that first told me about it. She's honest about it. So anyway, um, the ordinary skincare brand Sarah Coolidge taught me about it. Shout out, girlfriend. And now I get my entire skincare regimen, which is like a really cool cleanser. I say cool because it's not the kind you have to like get wet and soapy up and make like lathery. It's more like an oil. Anyway, I get my lotion, my um like fine lines serum, and um my skincare for 19 or and my face wash for $19 for all three of them. So I'm just saying I'm still on my first round.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

It's cheap.

SPEAKER_02 31:36

So cheap. And it's awesome. You can check out their website. They don't test on animals, they don't ask others to do so. Yah blah, blah, blah, blah. So if if that is important to you, that's great. Um, they are certified vegan by PETA. If that is important to you, okay. Um, so you know, take a look. It's just theordinary.com. Highly recommend. I've been very happy with them.

SPEAKER_00 31:59

Sarah does not need Botox. Let's be very clear. She's beautiful, her skin's great.

SPEAKER_02 32:04

Love your haircut.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

Her haircut's like, she came home at I was like, whoa.

SPEAKER_02 32:10

You guys are weird about your haircuts, so I don't really understand.

SPEAKER_00 32:12

She looked great. She looked great.

SPEAKER_02 32:13

Nick once yelled at me because I told Sarah he was getting a haircut.

SPEAKER_00 32:16

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:17

Yeah. It's a surprise. That's weird. It's a weird thing to surprise your spouse with. I mean, I don't know. You gotta spice it up after nine years.

SPEAKER_00 32:28

Yes. Yes. Okay, guys. Some people invite other people. I get my haircut. Gotta keep it spicy.

SPEAKER_02 32:36

Be right back.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

We're back.

SPEAKER_02 32:53

We're back. Back, we're back, we're back. We have a very important update from a pharmacist friend.

SPEAKER_00 32:59

Uh, not naming anybody.

SPEAKER_02 33:01

No, no names.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

I asked pharmacist friend, ammoxicillin and booze, yay or nay? Quote. Yeah, it's fine, it won't make you more sick. Just don't get drunk.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

Okay. I was told that it would just maybe render the amoxicillin useless. Like make it less effective. Which is fine. It's preventative amoxicillin, I should say. I'm taking it so I don't get um an infection after minor surgery. Maybe I shouldn't be going in a concert tonight.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

You're fine. Um, can we just again uh you had some minor surgery? Minor, yeah. You got stitches all up in your mouth.

SPEAKER_02 33:46

My gums have so many stitches in them right now and they hurt so bad. But I'm in the middle of my, I take a healthy regimen of prescribed medication and I'm right in the middle of it. So that's when I feel my best. So I just gotta stay on that. Haven't taken my lunchtime ammoxicillin, though I'm I'm behind. You okay, so I'm like staring at your mouth. That's great. I would show you, do you want me to show you my gums?

SPEAKER_00 34:08

Also, pharmacist said I would never tell a customer that. She always says no. Or he.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

I thought I thought of her and was like, okay, as long as I'm not going to, you know, have some heart issue or vomit from it, like, so it doesn't work for the night. Is that, you know what I mean? These are the things I need to do.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

No vomiting, she said.

unknown 34:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:30

Still nervous.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

You know, you need like a mechanic friend.

SPEAKER_02 34:32

I'm just I'm just gonna have, but there is like all these medical, like there is a pharmacist coming with us tonight, but I don't know her that well. And I don't want to be like, hey, can I have this glass of wine and also wash it down with my ammo like wash my ammoxicillin down with this wine? And she's like, no, and then what am I supposed to do? Then I gotta drink water all night.

SPEAKER_00 34:47

See, we gotcha. I love this friend so much.

SPEAKER_02 34:52

Okay, I I this doesn't feel like a clear answer to me, is all I'm worried about here.

SPEAKER_00 34:56

The answer is yes, you can drink, it's fine.

SPEAKER_02 34:59

Just don't get drunk. Okay. I feel like I want to show you my gums. Yeah. You might not be able to see them from there though. The oh wow. Can you see it?

SPEAKER_00 35:10

Yeah, I can. It looks like uh it looks like Rayleigh uh red rock cheese, where it's a cheddar and then there's like a line of blue cheese going through it. It's like your gums are this like red That's all the stuff and then like boom thing of stitches. That looks painful.

SPEAKER_02 35:24

This is what the yeah, it hurts a lot. And and the roof of my mouth. Anyway, hurts a lot. Don't worry, my dentist will be with me tonight, too.

SPEAKER_00 35:32

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

Yeah, I wasn't prepared for it, is the thing.

SPEAKER_00 35:35

So have you seen the hangover?

SPEAKER_02 35:37

I have seen both of is there like three of these. There's three ten of them now.

SPEAKER_00 35:40

You know, so like Stu's a dentist and they dare him to take out his own tooth, and it works good that Ed Helms doesn't have that tooth, so it's a fake tooth. Do you know that? Yeah, so he's like you.

SPEAKER_02 35:49

So yeah, just like me. Um it's so funny. Everyone I talk to is like, oh yeah, I've done this or I've done that.

SPEAKER_00 35:54

I can't wait till you guys get so drunk that you dare your dentist.

SPEAKER_02 35:59

Do you hear that? To be like, I bet you can't take out my stitches right now. I can't imagine anyone in the group getting that.

SPEAKER_00 36:07

And they're gonna be like, Laura, look, I can.

SPEAKER_02 36:09

Who? Me? I feel like everyone is. The one that was Oh, really? Okay, I mean, we'll see. We'll re I will report back, so I'm not allowed to get drunk. So I will just have a healthy one or two glasses of wine. Okay. Now that you know about my gums right now, we briefly mentioned that it is the beginning of the school year here for the Lake Chineta schools, but only for kindergarten through above grades. 4K starts next week, 3K starts the week after that.

SPEAKER_00 36:39

Like, please.

SPEAKER_02 36:40

Why can't 3K and 4K start on the same week? Whatever. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 36:44

It's because the teachers have to it's hard being a teacher.

SPEAKER_02 36:49

Okay. Why are we starting on the 12th? And I know it's 3K and it's like a made-up thing anyway, but Jesus. Okay. So anyway, we thought we have a lot of teacher friends. We were gonna try and get one on the pod, but like, you know, it's their first second day back at school. We thought it might be.

SPEAKER_00 37:04

My sister's informed me it's very stressful this week for her.

SPEAKER_02 37:07

Yeah, but not for the people who started transitions.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

Just a lot. Not for the rest of us that have worked 60 fucking hours a week.

SPEAKER_02 37:14

Not for us. So we're trying to balance all of our childcare. Not for us. Not for us. Things are easy. Anyway, Budspeed has an article here. No teachers are coming with us tonight for the record.

SPEAKER_00 37:26

Teachers shared the most ridiculous in-classroom experience we've ever had, and in caps, oh boy.

SPEAKER_02 37:32

Oh boy. I haven't read these yet, so I am excited to read them.

SPEAKER_00 37:36

Do you want to kick off or would you like to The very public pants ripping? I'm a seventh grade teacher. I caught my pants on the tip of the whiteboard marker tray. My pants very audibly ripped. Tore it through my pants, my underwear, and cut my butt. This is a girl, by the way. My students were taking a quiz, so they all heard it. I was mortified. A quick thinking girl told me to tie my sweatshirt around my waist. Word traveled fast, I ripped my pants. I'm still hearing about it to this day. Always bring a change of clothes, folks. Okay, that girl works for boners, works for periods, works for pant rips.

SPEAKER_02 38:07

That girl deserves extra credit. I agree. Okay, good for her, and that's a bummer. Also, that happened to one of my teachers, and it was a man. I felt so bad for him. He was a little overweight, and I think he just like made a joke about it, but you could tell he was more divine. I felt so bad.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

Tyler and I had a bonding moment last night as we were talking about our middle school uh shop teacher.

SPEAKER_02 38:30

I love talking to Tyler about middle school stories.

SPEAKER_00 38:33

Uh sanded off a finger on a belt sander as we're talking about ridiculous injuries, and Michael's like, I don't remember. And we're like, oh yeah, because you were those Catholic school kids.

SPEAKER_02 38:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

And Ron went to Farmersville.

SPEAKER_02 38:45

Ron went to a different school. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:47

Farmersville.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

Okay, everybody. I was working, it's called the incorrect use of that phrase.

SPEAKER_00 38:53

This one's funny.

SPEAKER_02 38:54

Yeah, this one's awesome. I was working in a small group with some first graders, which is the age of my son. Uh that's me commenting. So my kids in first grade.

SPEAKER_00 39:02

That was in brackets, indicating that it's Bridget talking.

SPEAKER_02 39:05

As I was writing on the whiteboard, one boy asked, and I quote, quote, Miss B, did you get a hand job? End quote. I don't know what he meant until he gestured to my nails. Holding back laughter, I said, Yes, I did go and get my nails done. Thanks for asking. And now I want Elliot to ask his teacher that. Because I mean, that makes sense, right? That's a hand job. I don't have any nail polish on right now, so I did not get a hand job.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

I know. Good luck. The extremely sick sub. I was substitute teaching in a middle school art class. I had a really bad migraine that morning, so I took some meds and hope for the best. Oh. Much like Bridget tonight. Oh, yeah, no shit. The kids arrived in a flurry of excitement as middle schoolers too, and we got started. I was still not feeling great. When I started taking roll call, I felt the urge to immediately throw up. Like violently throw up. Like throw up so hard, I also started peeing. I shuffled off to an office in the room and yelled something to class, probably incoherent nonsense, all still while puking and peeing. I finally was able to call the office for someone to come take over and fled the building as soon as they got there.

SPEAKER_02 40:17

Bro, why didn't you call in sick? I don't know what to say. Okay. I want to cry and kind of throw up because I can like envision that. And I was thinking, not that I in 100,000 years would ever be a teacher, but I was like, the thing that really deters me is, oh, I don't know, other people's children, mass amounts of children all day, every day, but sick kids? Like, my our teacher is asking for extra supplies, you know, if you can, can you volunteer and donate these things? One of them is soft peppermints. And I was like, our teacher, we know really well. And so I was like, hey, why do you need these? And she's like, because every kid that has a stomachache, you can't send with the nurse's office until they throw up. And so she's like, every kid that has a stomachache, give them some water, a cold rag, and a peppermint, and the problem is solved. I was like, that is genius. But also I would panic. Every time a kid says their stomach hurt, I'd be like, go home, go home. I can't do it. Okay, anyway, that's my own horror story. The dangerous den. Oh, I love this one. This is awful. I like feel so anxious. I was teaching my musical theater class how to fit costumes and was using a little girl named Maddie as my model. I wasn't paying that much attention. And keep in mind, I was just working on a plush body from before class for a plush body form before class. I was giving a demo on pinning them, where to pin and how to sew over the pins. Suddenly the class starts screaming and Maddie collapses. Okay, this does the same age. No.

SPEAKER_00 41:46

It's gotta be high school, right? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 41:49

Turns out I had been sticking one and a half inch pins into this little girl, little girl, the whole time. She passed out in pain and at the sight of her own blood. I was mortified. I felt so bad. To this day, I wonder why nobody said anything. Not nobody. Maddie. Maddie, why didn't you say? And also, how still can you stand when pins are being stuck to you? It's like acupuncture. I would jump. Yeah, you think that's something I do?

SPEAKER_00 42:14

No. I'm very interested. My mom and sister work. My mom and sister work. I'm like, no. I'm interested because I'm a masochist and I love like watching that stuff. I had two in three ingrown toenails removed. Two on one foot once. Tyler's got this thing, right?

SPEAKER_02 42:34

I I don't think he's ever had an ingrown toenail removed.

SPEAKER_00 42:36

It's incredible. Like, because they numb you up and then suddenly take this like huge part of nail out of your foot. You're like, oh wow, that one's disgusting. It's so cool because like you can like feel this little bit. Well, this is in like seventh grade.

SPEAKER_02 42:49

I have like that would never cross my mind.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

I had like literally so like my let's say this is you know like for size. So like say this is the width of my toe. This is where the toenail it was like half again the length into my skin.

SPEAKER_02 43:05

Did you not trim your toenails as often as you should?

SPEAKER_00 43:07

It just happens. It's like a DNA thing.

SPEAKER_02 43:09

It does happen. No, it does just happen. No.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

And so they put like some stuff on it that killed the nail root and then it stopped growing. Disgusting. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 43:17

So gross.

SPEAKER_00 43:18

Here's another so gross one. These are making me want to throw up. I was teaching fifth grade at the time, fifth grade, mind you, because this seems like Elliot's type of story, but he's in first grade. Oh God. And there was a bathroom in my classroom. I was in the middle of my lesson when I heard the bathroom door squeak open. I looked towards it to see a male student with his pants around his ankles still sitting there. He opened the door to inform me that he had no toilet paper. Could I get him some? Needless to say, his peers did not bounce back to learning after the surprisingly bold and stinky revelation in the middle of our lesson.

SPEAKER_02 43:50

I'm I am worried about like poop incidences at school, and boys just like don't pay attention to what they're doing. Ugh. Or like I'm not gonna. Read this one, but there was one about a teacher like accidentally drawing something and they ended up looking like boobs. They look like boobs. They do look like boobs, but like you don't think of that. Ugh, okay. I'm reading another one about first grade and poop because it's funny. The mystery pooper. I'm a general music teacher, and I was teaching a first grade class of folk dance. I don't think we learned that at our school. Um, halfway through the dance, I noticed mud all over the carpet floor. I asked who was outside on the playground in the mud. Nobody said anything. I had them all sit in their chairs so I could look at the bottom of their shoes. Nothing. It was poop. How did no one smell it? As one of the boys was dancing, some people's poop doesn't stink.

SPEAKER_00 44:40

Like, not like other people's poop. Like if you like eat, you know, like flaxseed all the time. It's not, you know.

SPEAKER_02 44:46

Anyway, as one of the boys was dancing, he pooped his pants. The turd slid down his pant leg and onto the floor. All of them. I mean, this is incredible.

SPEAKER_00 44:53

All of the kids like if it was that solid, it had to be like a brand rich diet, you know, like all oats.

SPEAKER_02 44:59

Oh, all of the kids danced through it, rubbing it into their shoes and into the carpet. Oh, I can't. Like, I pray that my kid, if he poop if he feels the need to poop that bad, stops his folk dance. But I don't think he would. He wouldn't.

SPEAKER_00 45:13

Because he's because he's a rule of all. Yeah, well, and Elliot like gets into his folk dancing.

SPEAKER_02 45:18

Yeah, we folk dance all the time.

SPEAKER_00 45:20

Here's a Lucy story.

SPEAKER_02 45:22

Oh God.

SPEAKER_00 45:23

The Lucy Canon. It's actually called the Lucy Cannon. I'm a kindergarten teacher. Earlier this year, one of my students surprised me by sprinting out to playground with his shirt raised over his head, screaming, feast your eyes on my nipples.

SPEAKER_02 45:35

Oh yeah. That is gonna be Lucy. She loves lifting up her shirt and saying, I just ate dinner. You see, it's in my tummy. And I'm like, Yeah, I get that you're trying to show me your tummy, but soon you can't do that because it also shows your boobs. But girls, they see Elliot, like she doesn't understand. Elliot walks around without a shoe.

SPEAKER_00 45:54

It's not fair.

SPEAKER_02 45:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 45:57

So I had some friends just go to France.

SPEAKER_02 45:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

And husband made a very weird Facebook post about, like, oh yeah, topless beaches. And it actually wasn't that weird. It was like funny. They came to the store to pick some stuff up, and I was like, oh hey, welcome back, guys. Good to see ya. How was it? Wife's like, oh, it's great. I'm like, especially the pot topless beaches.

SPEAKER_02 46:18

She goes, What? Come on.

SPEAKER_00 46:20

And husband's like, it's Laura. Oh. And husband's dying. He's like, yeah, I posted that. She's like, did you post that one picture?

SPEAKER_02 46:27

Oh, come on. Dude, I went to Spain when I was like 16 with my parents, and we went to a topless beach and thought it was so funny. And like we like took pictures, but like with our hands over, but like my parents must have taken those pictures. I don't remember. I remember my swimsuit. I remember sitting under a sign that said Zona Topless. Okay. It was bad. Anyway. The roller skating miscommunication.

SPEAKER_00 46:53

Which admits to creating child pornography.

SPEAKER_02 46:55

I don't know what it maybe my parents didn't do it. I'm I don't mean to call them out. I teach third grade. I had a new student, and the day she came in, I gave her an invite to the skating party that was about to happen that would happen the next day in the evening. Her parents would have needed to take her. Apparently she was confused and arrived at school the next day wearing roller skates. She made it off the bus, up the stairs and down the hall. I told her to take them off and she yelled no and skated off. But she wasn't very coordinated and fell. I wanted to laugh so bad. This poor girl. I'm sorry. One, why did no one read the invitation? I guess maybe it didn't say where it was. Or maybe they just assumed. Actually, I could see this miscommunication, and this is why you need a planner to plan things. You need to be clear about how you're getting there. Not on a bus from the school.

SPEAKER_00 47:44

Even the ice is like boozy and delicious.

SPEAKER_02 47:46

Oh, I haven't gotten that far because I'm just like rubbing my gums.

SPEAKER_00 47:52

The unintentional pregnancy lesson. Oh, I was gonna read that one. I'm a preschool teacher, and five years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter, I told my kids that I would be leaving soon to have my baby. One kid was a scared. Why does it say uh was a scared?

SPEAKER_02 48:09

Well, you know, maybe it was a hypo. People are people.

SPEAKER_00 48:12

I replied, oh, was I scared? It's it should be. Oh. One kid asked, was I scared? I replied, only about the pushing part. Oh my god. Wrong phrase. All 12 kids proceed to ask what I was pushing and from where. They assumed I would poop her out, since poop is the only thing you push out of your body. Oh no. Which led to them demanding to know how babies are born and how they got in there. None of which I answered. Thank God for maternity leave.

SPEAKER_02 48:37

Oh, I mean, that was the wrong choice of it.

SPEAKER_00 48:39

I do think it's funny to say, like, oh yes, it pooped your kid out.

SPEAKER_02 48:42

Honestly, my kids have asked, like Elliot and like Lucy just because Elliot does, they all the time ask about like childbirth and where they came from.

SPEAKER_00 48:49

It's gotta be one of the good things about like a C-section birth is you could honestly tell your kid, like, you came from my tummy.

SPEAKER_02 48:54

You literally got pulled out of my tummy.

SPEAKER_00 48:56

I mean, positive, negatives, like it's fine, whatever you have to do, you have to do.

SPEAKER_02 48:59

Uh, but you know, like explain, like, oh, you came out of my tummy versus like uh I pushed you out of literally, Elliot's like, so you pooped me out? And I'm like, no, but that might be easier than trying to explain what I did. So first, I threw up a lot.

SPEAKER_00 49:15

Yeah, buddy, you're a massive turd and I pushed you out. Think about the biggest turd you've ever pooped. Think about how hard that was. You're an even bigger turd, Elliot.

SPEAKER_02 49:26

Why can't I remember how much you weighed? Just like when Okay, I'm gonna move on because I feel bad. Um, the cursing tattler, this is my biggest fear, tattletales. Not that's not my biggest fear. When I taught kindergarten, I had a picture of George Bush in my class. The students knew that they could tell all of their tattles to him, and I would handle the real issue. That's a weird tactic. Like walk up to the poster of the president. Anyway, one day a student came to me to tattle that a student called her a name. But before she started, I said, go tell the president. She walks right over to the picture and shouts, Elizabeth called me a motherfucker. I have so many questions about this, which is the only reason I read this. I don't think that's a good lesson. The lesson to a tattel, and I'm not a teacher, so teachers correct me. But isn't the lesson to a tattletaler like we can only get Nitches get stitches? Someone said that to me the other day. Someone really unsuspecting, and I was like, Yes, snitches get stitches. The lesson Was it Lucy? Because Lucy Lucy is gonna say that to me, Paul. Snitches get stitches, bitch. Yeah, I know. Pray for me when she gets in school. Um, no Bob, what do you mean I can't put bitches on the floor when they snitch on me? She probably has a tattoo that says it somewhere, and I don't know yet. And Tyler's like in the background, like, so Roddy and Lucy stand up for yourself. Um, isn't the lesson like, at least this is what I tell my kids, you can only control yourself, you can only worry about yourself. Like, isn't that the lesson? For tattletales? I mean, just like punch a bitch. Okay. Teachers, weigh in. Nick has better advice. All right, wrap it up with this one.

SPEAKER_00 51:07

The truly wild escape. I just I like this one.

SPEAKER_02 51:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 51:10

I had a student tell me he didn't want to be in class anymore. Smart kid, but insanely lazy. He has to go to the office. Nurse, anywhere else? I told him he wasn't going anywhere until he started passing my class. Five minutes later, he came up holding his bleeding ear and smugly asked to go to the nurse. He took a tack out of my wall and pierced his own ear. What choice did I have? He won that one.

SPEAKER_02 51:33

Wait, how old does it say?

SPEAKER_00 51:34

Doesn't say.

SPEAKER_02 51:35

Oh my god, I need to know how old these kids are. When is this gonna happen in my life?

SPEAKER_00 51:38

I mean, I feel like if I was in high school, I'd be like, really?

SPEAKER_02 51:42

I mean, for sure, I remember kids doing that shit.

SPEAKER_00 51:45

I'm bleeding. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 51:48

Bitch. There's so many poop ones.

SPEAKER_00 51:51

The puking surprise.

SPEAKER_02 51:52

No, nope. I said wrap it up.

SPEAKER_00 51:54

One of my fifth graders fell asleep during class. I slot her pass out, and I figured I'd talk to her about it later. Halfway through her reading lesson, she woke up, leaned over, and puked all over the floor. Then she proceeded to fall back asleep. All while I was being observed by my grad school supervisor. Again, who cares about that kid? But this is making me look bad. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 52:15

I mean, it is weird if your kid, if someone falls asleep in the middle of your class, something's probably wrong. Student popped on the furnace in my class.

SPEAKER_00 52:23

That's the one I'm reading. I had a cold and I couldn't smell it. The worst part was that I discovered said poop when I stuck my hand into it. I was moving some books around the van. Pretty sure if I could have smelled it, I would have thrown up. And maybe, I don't know. I should have just chopped my hand off right there.

SPEAKER_02 52:39

I mean, who hasn't gotten poop on their hands, though, lady? Quit being so dramatic. That's what I have to say about that. Stop, stop, we're done. I can see Nick finding another one. Okay, well, teachers, um, if there are teachers listening, please write us your horror stories because I would love a local horror story.

SPEAKER_00 52:57

I would too.

SPEAKER_02 52:58

I'm sure there are tons. I actually got a call the first day of school at 1 p.m., shows up on my phone, LG schools, and I'm like, shit, of course, the person COVID already. The first thing that goes to my mind is he's throwing up. Oh my god. You know, that was my first. And then I Oh, I remember this.

SPEAKER_00 53:12

Yes, I was there for this.

SPEAKER_02 53:14

Oh my god. Oh no, is he in trouble? It was none of those things. It was not a teacher, it was wraparound care. If I needed wraparound care, whatever. So I'm grateful, but that when you get that call from school, man, your heart sinks. Just saying.

SPEAKER_00 53:27

Best thing I made this week.

SPEAKER_02 53:30

And he gets it.

SPEAKER_00 53:30

Four pound steak for Ron's 40th birthday.

SPEAKER_02 53:34

Tomahawk, right?

SPEAKER_00 53:37

Dying over here, coughing. Nick's got a cough.

SPEAKER_02 53:39

Did you know? Did you know?

SPEAKER_00 53:40

Sorry. It was so good. And it was just like so much fun because we cut it up, and like a bunch of bros and Josie.

SPEAKER_02 53:47

Eating one sitting. Tyler was so sweet. He's like, she was like trying to let us be, but like they had stuff they had to do to close the store.

SPEAKER_00 53:53

You know, it was cute. So Josie got some too. It was really good. I brought some Malden salt, so like big flaky salt on top. Like perfectly cooked beef, like seared to like I sweeped it. So it was like, you know, nice pink in the middle, and then like seared to F. And seared to fuck. We swear on this podcast. I don't know why I censored myself right there.

SPEAKER_02 54:13

I almost spit my drink. I'm I like it.

SPEAKER_00 54:14

Um and like a little bit of flaky salt on top. It was like, uh that sounds delicious. It was and just like bros, just like bro the eating a slice of. Ron got like plates and forks and stuff. I'm like, Ron. No, come on.

SPEAKER_02 54:28

We're just gonna eat it on the sheet pan. We're men here. I did make Elliot beef for his dinner, his first day of school dinner, because I he was like asking for a ribeye when he was at the store with me. I'm like, okay, bro. So I made him some meat. Not quite the same as what you made, though. But close. Um same general idea. The favorite food I am loving is Ron cheese, because really we're just here to celebrate Ron this week. And Josie. I know, but it was Ron's birthday. I had to lead with Ron. We're here to celebrate our very, very And Rayla and Lenny. Ron and Josie and Rayla and Lenny. I know I love them. Their little shirts. So they all worked super, super hard on the cheese store that we ooh, that was uh snappy. Um the store that we talked about, we've talked about for a year, but they opened their cheese bar side and it's become our new hangout. They had their grand opening yesterday as we're recording. And I love all their cheese. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, grand opening! So Hill Valley Dairy, best cheese ever, but they also feature amazing other cheeses on their cheese boards. Um, so I'm just working my way through the menu right now. Just had a different board that I've never had before when I was there last time. And I'm here to talk about all their cheese. Best thing I ate this week.

SPEAKER_00 55:37

Well then, it's time for Kid Corner.

SPEAKER_02 55:41

Well, I thought you were gonna talk about more cheese, Nick.

SPEAKER_00 55:43

I mean the cheese is great.

SPEAKER_02 55:44

The cheese is great. We love cheese.

SPEAKER_00 55:46

So mine is about pee everywhere, specifically right where you sit.

SPEAKER_02 55:51

Come on, bro.

SPEAKER_00 55:53

Not on your chair, don't worry.

SPEAKER_02 55:54

Oh, I was like, come on. Why did she pee right here?

SPEAKER_00 55:57

So it's actually right there.

SPEAKER_02 56:00

That's great.

SPEAKER_00 56:00

I was wondering if you noticed the extra toilet, or not toilet paper, paper towel. Smells like disinfectant down here.

SPEAKER_02 56:07

No way, man. I have a potty training three-year-old.

SPEAKER_00 56:09

So we were down here uh getting a bottle of wine from mom. Also, her new favorite thing is to play hide and go seek down here because of the curtains behind us.

SPEAKER_02 56:18

Oh, easy, yeah. Yeah, so it's just I'm hiding. No, you're not.

SPEAKER_00 56:24

I'm like, girl, you like I like to-stand the game? Yeah, I'm like, I'm glad you're not great at this game because I don't really want to go find you, but like I love playing hide and seek. Could you get better at this game?

SPEAKER_02 56:35

Excuse me. If you just hide, I hid in my shower for like 15 minutes the other day. It's the greatest parenting hack.

SPEAKER_00 56:43

So, anyway, we're down here. And she's like playing with the microphone thing. Like, okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. And then uh suddenly on my foot.

SPEAKER_02 56:57

Wait, where are we at in potty training? Like we're gonna go to the wheel.

SPEAKER_00 56:59

She wears like undies, yeah, but then during the day pull up overnight, yep.

SPEAKER_02 57:03

So this was just a daytime underwear.

SPEAKER_00 57:04

This is the first time I've seen this. Like, so I'm like on the floor, on my foot. I'm like, is that how it works with girls?

SPEAKER_02 57:14

I'm sorry, I have so many things to say.

SPEAKER_00 57:16

Like just straight through the underwear.

SPEAKER_02 57:18

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_00 57:18

I mean, maybe the underwear is like pulled to a side. I don't know how it works. I'm not a girl.

SPEAKER_02 57:22

So you say, Simona, why didn't you let me know you had to go to the bathroom?

SPEAKER_00 57:26

Well, we did that. But like, I'm just talking about the like massive amount of pee that was on the phone. I'm like, Yeah. Like two seconds. I'm like, that would take me like 10 seconds and like a like, ugh.

SPEAKER_02 57:38

Oh my god, this is the worst conversation.

SPEAKER_00 57:41

But it's like right there.

SPEAKER_02 57:42

I'm like, um it's just like down. I'm like Okay, this is for some reason I pooped out that pee. She pooped out a pee, did you just say?

SPEAKER_00 57:52

It's just like, I'm like, this is so weird. How did this happen? I and then I'm like, ha, I'm gonna save this for kid corner.

SPEAKER_02 57:59

Oh, but he didn't write it on the outline, you guys.

SPEAKER_00 58:01

That's why I didn't write it on the outline.

SPEAKER_02 58:03

I just keep looking on the floor where Nick keeps pointing, which is directly next to me. Uh, I don't know what to say to you. I cleaned it very well. Wait until she's potty training overnight. Just when you think you're in the clear, you're not.

SPEAKER_00 58:17

She's generally like pretty good about the like, you know.

SPEAKER_02 58:20

I know you think she's a perfect angel. She's gonna pee in her bed. No, I know, but like she's generally pretty good with so that's easy because crib mattresses are waterproof.

unknown 58:30

Yeah. Great.

SPEAKER_00 58:31

So again, you're giving me shit.

SPEAKER_02 58:33

You might want to move her out of her crib when she goes to 4K.

SPEAKER_00 58:36

Checkers? Chess. I'm like, you're gonna pee this bad. Let's just make it easy to clean.

SPEAKER_02 58:42

Oh my god. Okay, guys.

SPEAKER_00 58:45

I'm gonna keep her in this cage this morning.

SPEAKER_02 58:47

I'm gonna keep her in this cage.

SPEAKER_00 58:48

She invited Sarah and she's like, Mom, there's plenty of room in here. You get in here. So Sarah fits in there too.

SPEAKER_02 58:53

Oh, I've gotten in my kid's crib. Yeah. Every mom's got in there.

SPEAKER_00 58:56

See, there's plenty of room in there. There's just plenty of room.

SPEAKER_02 58:59

That's uh bullshit.

SPEAKER_00 59:01

Plenty of room, Reggie.

SPEAKER_02 59:03

Get her a big bed.

SPEAKER_00 59:05

Plenty of room in there.

SPEAKER_02 59:07

Oh, you guys. Nick, I just I just look forward to your future. I just want you to experience the pain and agony of the rest of your life. Oh, it's just so much, you guys. Okay. I'm here to talk about Elliot's first day of school. And if you have a son versus a daughter. So um it is if your kids have not started school, you may also just wait for 15 years from now because it's gonna flip.

SPEAKER_00 59:36

That's what everybody says.

SPEAKER_02 59:38

I was just talking to another boy mom about this, and I was like, this is bullshit. Anyway, um, I think it's first kid, second kid more than boy girl is what I have deduced from my six years' experience. Just have one kid. No man. Nope. Can't do it. Okay. Um, most of the time.

SPEAKER_00 59:56

Well, you can't because you already had to. Um, but I hear the third kid is the easy one.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:02

Bummer for whoever has that third kid. Not me. Um, I'm friends with a mom of a girl in Elliot's class. So I think we're getting to the age where girls have cooties. Like, uh, Elliot doesn't say that by any means. He's very kind with them, but like having a friend that's a girl is not cool. And so um, he is sitting, like his desk is in a quad of four. They have their own desks this year instead of tables. And the mom of the girl that is across from Elliot, she and I are friends, and I'm like, hey, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:39

Trying desperately hard to get the fruit out of this drink because I really want it.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:44

You're distracting me. Um, so me and this other mom were like, oh, how was her first? And I'm just not saying her name to be nice and kind and protective because I did not get permission first. Um, how was her first day? Oh, you know her. Everything is rainbows, sparkles, unicorns. It was so great. And it sounds like she and Elliot are BFFs already. Cause I was like, man, she's she's like um a strong, powerful, powerful girl. Oh, you got one of my headphones just went out. Oh, so trippy. Okay, anyway. Oh, it's back. I had to move a cord. Sorry. Uh so anyway, okay. So she goes, it sounds like she and Elliot are getting along really well. And I was like, great, they're gonna be best friends in no time. And she goes, What did Elliot say? Like, you know, was he like, no, she's terrible? I'm like, all Elliot said about his first day of school was thumbs up and it was a lot of sitting. And I'm like, this just to give you an example of how different boys and girls are, like this daughter, this this parent that I'm friends with, told her, mom, all these things sparkles, rainbows, unicorns, Elliot's so nice, Mrs. Kolb, their teacher is the nicest human being. And Elliot said, We sat a lot. So I just want to tell you if you have a boy in school, I think that's normal. Although Katie Kuhn said Addie, Addie also wouldn't say anything about school. She was like, Yeah, I can't get anything out of her. I'm like, I know, kids.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:05

Nick's a horse over there. Well, guys, um, what do they call it? Whop? Is that what they call it? The fruit, and you're like, uh Whoppa Touie? Yeah, that.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:14

Uh delicious. He worked really hard for it, you guys, so I hope you appreciate it. I uh ended up getting a corkscrew and using the uh corkscrew to fish it out. To flip it onto his lap. Well it was really good.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:29

It's too bad this isn't on video anymore. I always have a blanket on my lap. There's pea on the floor. Just kidding, Nick cleaned it up.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:38

I clean it up, okay? I'm like, ha, this could be a great kid's order.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:42

Oh, Bridget sits in this.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:45

Well, at least it wasn't puke, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:47

That's right, guys. The bar's low. Uh, thanks for listening. I feel like there's a lot of gross things in this week's episode, so you're welcome. Welcome back to school. Yeah, praise be. I don't know what to say. I will praise you for the live disorganized.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:04

That whole uh TikTok-y thingy, you know, like don't know what you're talking about. You've not heard those?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:08

So it's just like uh gospel choir says, like, and I will praise him for the rest of my life.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:14

It's so much like a story of like, they're like this, they're like, I like met my boyfriend in second grade, and then we like broke up. And then it's like, and then these like breaking, and it's like, and then we got back together, and it's like always like you're just kind of a loser. I have no idea where we're going right now. Anyway, uh, I hope you have a great day. I hope uh sunshine, butterflies, rainbows, unicorns, and sparkles. Uh no pooping on your face, uh, no puking on your feet. Uh it's like that Irish May the wind, that's exactly what I thought.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:48

Like, may the wind be at your face.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:50

May the road to meet you. Well, we've officially lost it. Nick's gonna sing you a tune goodbye. May the sun shine on your face, but you don't burn like an Irish man. May the rainbow leprechaun give you all the gold you could ever want. But most importantly remember that friendship is the greatest reward. Hi, guys.